yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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