DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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