my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
