It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
