i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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