Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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