um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
