In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
