Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
