I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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