worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
