Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
