I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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