There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
