considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
