THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
