I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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