Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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