I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
