You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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