when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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