i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So squirting runs in the family.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
