Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
