can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
