My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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