you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have fence marks all over my body
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
