my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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