census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
my liver is dry heaving
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
