i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
