There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
