Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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