Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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