that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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