Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
