She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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