what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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