why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
