Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
