Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We are two peas in an std pod
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
