Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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