my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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