I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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