Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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