how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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