i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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