Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
