This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
