yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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