They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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