i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
