So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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